thisisbullschmitt

songofages:

casualdorkpatrol:

casualdorkpatrol:

so i was self-checking out at the grocery store and this comely stranger and I had been flirting a bit, and after they had finished checking out they went

" I DON’T HAVE FLOWERS TO GIVE YOU BUT I WISH I DID BUT HERE HAVE THIS."

AND THEY JUST GAVE ME A HEAD OF BROCCOLLI.

image

Guess who’s got a daaaaate

Everytime i see this i think this person looks so pretty and should be drawn in a disney style.

marruman

operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”